The wonderful thing about the Internet is that it allows access from virtually anywhere in the developed world.  Relatives in Switzerland, for instance, can view the memorial page for their dearly departed in Canada.  A close friend in India, who wasn’t able to fly in for the funeral or memorial service, can view the final resting place of a loved one in Chile, and so on.  No matter where we are in the world, we want to remember and celebrate the lives of the people who have touched us; online memorials offer a way to provide a dedicated space that everyone can visit to reflect on their memories.

Many times some of the most influential people in our lives pass on before they get to meet our children and grandchildren.  For anyone who has ever heard “I wish you could have met her” or “You would have loved talking to him” there is a way to chronicle precious memories and show select photographs and biographical information for all these wonderful people.  Building an online memorial generally takes very little time, but may be able to help children and grandchildren better know and understand the people who came before them.

Finally, an online memorial provides that bit of space where you yourself can go to remember and reflect on the loved one you’ve created a memorial for.  Be it during a break in the middle of a busy workday or late at night when memories come easy, your memorial is easily accessible and allows you to read and add to the memories about the person who will always be cherished in your heart.

Extraordinary people may come into your life at any time, and there is just no knowing when they may be taken away.  However, once they’ve touched your life they stay in your heart forever in the memories you have of them and the legacy they leave behind.  These are the people who need to be remembered, and whose memory many wish to share with everyone else who knew them or who didn’t get the chance to meet them.

Think of all the people who have touched your life; the grandparent who made you feel like no one in the world could be more special than you, the father who patiently taught you to drive, the friendly neighbor who invited you along for horseback riding.  Many opt to memorialize the people who have touched their lives through stories, shared memories and continuing the kind works those people were known for.

The Internet has become a place where you can do just about anything with information and get it to anyone in the world; it’s a very popular method of sharing memories of loved ones who have passed away with friends and family.  Of all the different kinds of sharing sites available, online memorials have become places where family and friends can enjoy a page dedicated to their deceased loved one.  To share with other people whose lives were positively impacted by the memorialized individual.

An online memorial allows you to show what made these people extraordinary and to read how they influenced other people’s lives as well.  These are the people who strove to make the world a better place and whose lives should always be remembered and celebrated by those they loved.

Sadly, unless your family became famous in some way or otherwise distinguished themselves enough to be immortalized in print, the only way many memories have been kept alive is through oral re-telling from one generation to the next.  Oral histories are long-kept traditions and will never cease having distinct value, but so many stories can be forgotten or their details fade away with time.

The more time that passes since a story first occurred, the less vivid that story will be, so the time to memorialize ancestors and loved ones is right now.  It doesn’t take a great biographer to chronicle the history of a family, nor does it take extensive time, research and knowledge.  Putting memories into print can be as easy as establishing an online memorial for a recently deceased loved one, or writing out a couple of anecdotes to share with others.

Online memorials are not just for those who have recently passed away; they can also be places for reflection and remembrance of distant ancestors.  They can be a place to collect biographical information and photos of ancestors, as well as any personal memories or traditional oral histories there may be.

With each generation that passes, the world moves faster and faster.  It becomes increasingly easy to lose sight of where you came from; to forget the stories you’ve learned from parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles about the parts of your family you never knew.  Online memorials are just one convenient way to keep these memories alive, to let the following generations know who the people in your life were and what they meant to you.

Allow them to decide if they want to talk and respect their wishes if they decline at a particular time.  If they do wish to talk, however, listen patiently.  The grieving one is not expecting answers or solutions to their problems.  Sympathy, understanding, and reassurance are what they need.

Offering reassurance

Assure the bereaved that they did all they could do to help their loved one, and that the range of emotions they’re experiencing are all part of the normal grieving process.  You may even share a personal experience of coping with grief, or mention someone you know who has gone through something similar and how they were able to recover from their loss.  Such experiences are comforting and give hope that the deep grief they’re experiencing won’t last forever.

Follow through

Family and friends may swarm around the bereaved one at first, but life goes back to normal for them.  Weeks or months later, when the impact of the loss really begins to take effect, the grieving one is often alone with his or her feelings. 

Mark your calendar with special dates when the loss may be especially painful:  wedding anniversaries, birthdates and the date of the death can be stressful for surviving family members.  Making yourself available at such times, even years afterward, can help a grieving one to cope with the ongoing pain such loss inflicts.

Send a letter

If you’re unable to be with the grieving one in person, don’t overlook the power of the written word.  A letter can be of great comfort and can be read over and over again.   Let the bereaved one know that you care for them.  Share a special memory you have of their loved one or tell how that one made an impact on your life.  You don’t have to write a long letter; a few words from the heart can express volumes to the grieving soul.

What about those of us who wish to have a special place for memories to rest that we can visit any time, regardless of where we’re located?  For that, we have online memorials.  Just because you relocate or can’t be near the physical location of a loved one’s grave, doesn’t mean you’re automatically deprived of dedicated space to remember them by.

Essentially, an online memorial is a little piece of cyberspace set aside to memorialize a loved one.  These can include your favorite stories about good times with that parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, dear friend or any other person who means something to you.  The fine details of a person’s life are quickly erased by time, and no matter how well story contributors knew the deceased, each story can provide unique memories and perceptions of who that person was.

Illustrate your memories with pictures, biographical information, favorite anecdotes from other friends and family and even the location and pictures of that person’s final resting place.  These pictures can not only help people visualize the actual resting place, but can be useful additions to genealogical research and family history files that instantly become available to any family member with an Internet connection.

Especially in this age of increasing mobility and far-reaching job opportunities, friends and family can be spread out all over the globe.  Online memorials allow distant loved ones to share their memories of an individual wherever they are.  Wonderful memories are the most precious gift any person can leave behind them, and the more those memories are shared, the more that person’s spirit and character can remain in the hearts of those that loved them.

What to avoid

When speaking with a grieving child, remember they often take everything literally.  Fear of abandonment is especially strong in children who are grieving the loss of a parent or grandparent.  

If you say their loved one has gone on a long journey, the child will expect them to return and may even express anger or resentment:  ‘Grandpa didn’t even say good bye!’ or ‘Why couldn’t I go along?’  They may reason that others going on vacation will never return.  The grieving child could even fear that they, too, won’t come back if they go on a trip.

Equating death with sleep can also arouse fear in children.  After experiencing the death of a loved one, children can become afraid that they, too, will die soon.  Truthful answers will help dispel such feelings.  

If the deceased died due to a disease, it may be helpful to explain that not many people get this illness.  Don’t be surprised, though, if they’re fearful each time they or someone they love is ill.  They may ask, “Is this the disease that killed Daddy?”  Be patient and gentle in dealing with their fears.

Repeated reassurance

Sometimes children feel responsible for the death of a loved one.  They may believe that an angry thought or word they directed toward the one who died was the cause of their death.  As the grieving process goes on, children need constant and repeated reassurance.  You may need to explain that thoughts and words don’t make people sick or make people die.  Confirming your love for them and recalling the good times shared with the deceased one can help to quiet the fears of a fretful child. 

Keeping your discussions simple, honest, and heartfelt will show a child they are loved and genuinely cared for.  Don’t be afraid to let your emotions show.  Working through the grieving process together will give you the opportunity to deepen your relationship and forge stronger bonds.

1. Allow friends to help – Giving others the opportunity to help you allows them to grieve with you.  Doing something for you may be the only way they’re able to express their love and concern.
2. Don’t be hasty about major decisions – Rather than disposing of your loved one’s things immediately, pack them away until you’re better able to cope.  Those who hastily make major decisions while deep in grief often realize too late that they’ve also lost treasured mementos.
3. Let go of acute grief – Releasing the acute aspects of grief doesn’t mean your love for the deceased has lessened or that you no longer miss them.  Letting go of pain and fear allows you to be comforted by treasured memories.
4. Take care of yourself – Loss and grief can wear your body down, weakening your immune system.  You need rest, proper nutrition and regular exercise now more than ever.  If you experience health changes, sudden weight change, or have difficulty sleeping, visit your doctor.
5. Getting back to routine – You may have to push yourself at first, but getting back to a routine can help stabilize worn out emotions.
6. Give yourself time to grieve – For years after the death of a loved one, deep emotions and buried memories can be triggered by something as unexpected as a song or a smell.  Treasure your memories when they come and allow your heart to be comforted by them.
7. Be patient with others - It’s difficult to know what to say to someone who’s grieving.  Many feel awkward and clumsy and say the wrong thing or nothing at all.  Try to overlook their failed efforts.  If they knew the deceased, they’re grieving with you – rely on each other.
8. Expect setbacks – Grieving is a process and some steps may be repeated along the way.  Be patient with yourself and allow for unexpected emotions.  You can’t force yourself to cut short the grieving process; those emotions will manifest themselves elsewhere in your life.

Express Your Feelings
If you feel the need to talk about your feelings, seek out a close, trusted friend who will listen patiently.  A sympathetic listener can bring a measure of relief as you pour out your heart. 

Speaking with someone who has gone through a similar situation is also helpful.  They can share coping strategies and warn you of pitfalls they found in their own experience.  Hearing how they managed to get back into the routine of everyday life can both comfort and encourage you as you work through your own grief.

Write in a Journal or Diary
If you’re not comfortable speaking about your feelings or if no one is nearby to listen, how can you express your grief?  Some have found it helpful to put their emotions down in writing. 

You don’t need eloquent words or flowery phrasing to write about how you feel in a private journal or diary.  Expressing your feelings through writing and reading your words a few days later can help you understand yourself better.  Your writing can also serve as a record of the progress you’re making.

Allow Yourself to Cry
Crying is also a form of release.  Tears are a natural expression of sadness and actually help wash the toxins of stress from your body.  As time passes, you’ll be better able to predict bouts of sadness and crying. 

At the beginning of the grieving process, tears may be as regular a part of your life as breathing.  As the shock and numbness wear off and you get back into the routine of life, your emotions will even out.  This transition will be easier, smoother, and faster if you allow yourself to grieve from the beginning.

We look forward to hearing from you as we move into 2009.  Please feel free to add any comments or questions about online memorials, grieving, the loss of a loved one, etc.  We personally know how hard it is, dealing with death and loss; the grieving process is a long road.  There’s no reason to go through it alone.